Taking a Straw Poll

August 16th, 2010


I just don't understand Strawberry People .  I just don't.  I don't GET wanting to eat a berry that makes me feel like I'm French kissing a cat .  Call me crazy.

This time of year is so hard.  My beloved raspberries  come out to play and I am once again reminded of just how deeply and purely I love them.  And then my ugly prejudice against Strawberries rears its head . 

I can't help it.  Strawberries get soooo much attention.  We're just expected to love them, without question. Strawberries dominate the berry world like an arrogant, strutting bully.  Dare I suggest we live in a veritable Strawarchy? The dominant ideology of our culture is inherently pro-Strawberry and yet this discourse is rarely challenged.  So here goes:

Strawberries are the anti-Raspberry!  Whereas seeds cover the outside of the Straw, they are neatly and modestly tucked away inside the sexy, juicy bulbs of the Raz.  Whereas the Straws are firm and dry, a lovely Raz is soft and fuzzy.  Where Straws have this woody, white interior, the elegant Raz is brilliantly empty like Nature's cute little thimble .  Just the right size to fit the tip of one's tongue .  HOW CAN YOU GET BETTER THAN THAT???

I know this isn't cool. Or PC.  I know it's not all balanced and macrobiotic, in which the thinking is to accept BOTH, as the yin and yang to one another.  BUT I JUST CAN'T.  Strawberries are… wrong.  There.  I said it.  And the people who eat prefer them to my precious raspberry should be put in Strawberry Jails.  Guarded by thousands of Strawberry Shortcake dolls  .  And a lifetime supply of strawberry-flavored lip balm .   And their cell mate?  That's right. … Darryl Strawberry. 


Teehee.  When I pull my tongue out of my cheek, I will stick it in a… you guessed it… raspberry.

My advice to my fellow Raspberry People is to do the following.  Place half a cup of our ripe loved ones in a bowl.  Add a tiny pinch of salt.  Massage until about most of the berries become mushy (you need to get to the Raz juice to really enjoy the Raz).  Add 1 teaspoon of brown rice syrup and stir it in thoroughly.  Raise a spoonful to your nose… mmm… close your eyes… place this bright red nectar-of-the-Gods in your mouth and enjoy your inherently superior taste. 

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