Taking a Straw PollAugust 16th, 2010
I just don’t understand Strawberry People . I just don’t. I don’t GET wanting to eat a berry that makes me feel like I’m French kissing a cat . Call me crazy.
This time of year is so hard. My beloved raspberries come out to play and I am once again reminded of just how deeply and purely I love them. And then my ugly prejudice against Strawberries rears its head .
I can’t help it. Strawberries get soooo much attention. We’re just expected to love them, without question. Strawberries dominate the berry world like an arrogant, strutting bully. Dare I suggest we live in a veritable Strawarchy? The dominant ideology of our culture is inherently pro-Strawberry and yet this discourse is rarely challenged. So here goes:
Strawberries are the anti-Raspberry! Whereas seeds cover the outside of the Straw, they are neatly and modestly tucked away inside the sexy, juicy bulbs of the Raz. Whereas the Straws are firm and dry, a lovely Raz is soft and fuzzy. Where Straws have this woody, white interior, the elegant Raz is brilliantly empty like Nature’s cute little thimble . Just the right size to fit the tip of one’s tongue . HOW CAN YOU GET BETTER THAN THAT???
I know this isn’t cool. Or PC. I know it’s not all balanced and macrobiotic, in which the thinking is to accept BOTH, as the yin and yang to one another. BUT I JUST CAN’T. Strawberries are… wrong. There. I said it. And the people who eat prefer them to my precious raspberry should be put in Strawberry Jails. Guarded by thousands of Strawberry Shortcake dolls . And a lifetime supply of strawberry-flavored lip balm . And their cell mate? That’s right. … Darryl Strawberry.
Teehee. When I pull my tongue out of my cheek, I will stick it in a… you guessed it… raspberry.
My advice to my fellow Raspberry People is to do the following. Place half a cup of our ripe loved ones in a bowl. Add a tiny pinch of salt. Massage until about most of the berries become mushy (you need to get to the Raz juice to really enjoy the Raz). Add 1 teaspoon of brown rice syrup and stir it in thoroughly. Raise a spoonful to your nose… mmm… close your eyes… place this bright red nectar-of-the-Gods in your mouth and enjoy your inherently superior taste.