Chew Ye, Chew Ye!!

Welcome to the Annual International Facebook Celebrity Charity Chew-a-thon!!!

Okay. We have no celebrities (yet). And it’s not for charity (yet), but we are most certainly international, with Chewers participating from all over the world… including Spain, Britain, Israel, Australia, Canada, Japan and even a little town called New York City!! We have Chewers of all ages, all professions, all backgrounds… with only one thing in common… WE ALL HAVE TEETH, AND GOSHDARNIT, WE ARE GOING TO USE THEM!!!

If you’ve ever fantasized about feeling light, floaty, zen and happy-for-no-reason, you’ve come to the right place. If you want to drop a couple of pounds, while experiencing every moment to its fullest, you’re welcome here. If you’ve ever tried to explain the benefits of chewing to a friend, and just gotten a weird look, WE FEEL YOUR PAIN. Welcome!!!

So here are the rules: Starting Monday morning (Feb. 18), whenever that is for you, start chewing your food… aiming at 50 chews per mouthful. It doesn’t matter what you are eating. Anyone with a mouth is welcome at the Chew-a-thon.

Just chew. And chew. And chew.

We will chew like champions for exactly one week, checking in with each other to support and encourage the team. If you gulp a meal, you are not disqualified. Just jump right back into the chewing saddle. There is only encouragement, love, and saliva here. We don’t bite people, just vegetables.

Some tips and guidelines:

1) If you are having a hard time chewing everything, but still want to participate, aim to chew half your meal (usually the last half–easier to chew when you’re not ravenously hungry). You will still see amazing results from chewing half your plate. If you can, chew everything. This yields the most dramatic results. You should see weight loss, increased energy, a feeling of connectedness with your body, peace of mind, creative insights, and award-winning poops (no photos!!)…

2) Some things are easier to chew than others. For example, whole grains, vegetables and beans are pretty easy to chew, especially when you introduce a teensy bit of pickle into the mouthful. This helps to generate saliva. Fruit and sweets tend to break down very quickly, and animal protein just gets stringy in your mouth. Complex carbs are the best.

3) Keep count on your hand. When I chew, I only ever count up to ten, and then I stick a finger out to register “ten”. Then a second finger at “twenty”, etc. That way, I don’t need to count to fifty, just ten, five times. Capisci?

4) Later in the week, if you can get to 100, go for it. You can do it. Let’s all try.

5) Please share the Chew-a-thon with everyone you know. Please post your successes, and challenges, as you chew along. Tell us how you’re feeling to motivate us all!

When posting about it, please tag me in your post, so it shows up on my wall, and everyone can see it if they choose to. My wall will be Chew-a-thon Central. (SEARCH FACEBOOK “JESSICA PORTER SANTA MONICA” TO FOLLOW ME PERSONALLY) Let’s experience the benefits of mastication and share it with EVERYONE!! Pictures of Chewers are welcome, but no mouth-full-of-chewed-food shots, please

We can also share on Twitter with the hashtag #Chewathon. I will be checking in every couple of hours to hear from Chewers from around the world.

I can hardly wait…

Ready…
Set…
CHEW!

In the publishing industry, this time of year is known as "New Year, New You", because it is when all the diet books come out.  Everyone wants to purge the excesses of the holiday season, and find that perfect regime, that one can FINALLY stick to… This will be the year!

What I love about macrobiotics is that–since I made my leisurely transition to a grain and vegetable-centered diet–I don't have to think that way anymore.  Sure, my eating goes a little wonky over the holidays, but that's just life.  And on January 1st, I happily fall back into the sane and simple way of eating that has served me for over twenty years now.  My body literally demands that I do it, as opposed to my will trying to force me to.  It's not a "new year, new me"; instead, it's more like "new meal, new me" because I feel a wonderful renewal of body, mind and spirit with every macrobiotic meal I eat.  

I. LOVE. THAT.

Oh yeah, The MILF Diet came out yesterday.  I'm very excited about it.  Please check it out.  And if you enjoy it, please spread the word…

Here's a nice write up that was distributed on the Associated Press:

Happy New Year! 

xo Jessica

I’m currently in Toronto for the holiday. I can't tell you how pleased I was to see my new book on sale in a huge Canadian bookstore, smack at the foot of the main staircase.  VERY EXCITING. 

I am also happy to announce that Amazon.com is shipping The MILF Diet prior to its official January 1^st launch date.

Right now you can order your own copy at a very reasonable 45% off list price! I don't know how long it will be at that price, so I strongly suggest ordering yours ASAP.  (http://www.amazon.com/The-MILF-Diet-Transform-Deliciously/dp/1451655681)

If you pre-ordered one, you should be receiving it shortly… please let me know what you think.

Your positive review posted on Amazon will help get The MILF Diet message to others who will benefit from this power-packed book.  

Thank you so much for all your support and well wishes this year as I anticipated the launch of The MILF Diet.  You have all played a huge role in bringing this project to fruition, and I’m very grateful to each of you.  

Best wishes for a Happy New Year!

Jessica  

P.S. My new website, MILFdietbook.com, will be live on January 1st and this website will merge with it. 

Native to cold climates, buckwheat helps our bodies adapt to cold weather, so anyone out there who can see your breath, or needs to shovel your stoop, should consider eating buckwheat every ten days or so.  Also known as "kasha", buckwheat packs a powerful, warm punch to the kidneys, bladder and reproductive organs.  It's slightly drying, so go easy, but buckwheat's a great addition to your regular grain rotation during  winter.

Buckwheat Pilaf

This dish was concocted by DILFy Howard Wallen really plays off the strong flavor of the buckwheat by bringing some sour and some spicy to the mix.  The walnuts also give it a crunch.  I think you’ll like it. 

½ cup walnuts

¾ cup water

½ cup buckwheat

2 cups peeled, diced russet potatoes or cauliflower pieces

2 tablespoons sesame oil

1 ¼ cups finely diced onions

1 cup halved mushrooms

¼ cup chopped sauerkraut

6 cloves minced garlic

2 teaspoons dried thyme leaves

2 teaspoons chili powder

¼ teaspoon sea salt

¼ cup finely chopped fresh parsley

Preheat oven to 350 degrees F. 

Roast the walnuts on a baking sheet for 20 minutes or until lightly browned.  Remove walnuts and remove to a plate to cool.  Chop the walnuts coarsely and set aside. 

In a 1-quart saucepan, combine the water and buckwheat, bring to a simmer and cover.  Remove from heat and let buckwheat sit to absorb water.  In a steamer, steam potatoes for 15 minutes (cauliflower for 10) or until firm but soft, then set aside to cool. 

In a medium frying pan, heat the oil and sauté the onions, mushrooms, sauerkraut, garlic, thyme, chili powder, and salt for about 5 minutes or until onions are translucent.  Add the potatoes (cauliflower), bulgur, nuts, and parsley, then mix well.  Heat everything together, then remove from heat and serve immediately. 

Serves 4

Well, get ready for the vegan, paraben-free, petroleum-free, cruelty-free, organic, and beeswax-free version.

My friend Jane Graves is an absolute firecracker of a woman:  

An actress and former athlete, she started a company called LADY BUG JANE that makes lip glosses (called FLAVOR BALMS) that make me feel like a happy little 'tween.  They come in flavors like Caramel Popcorn, Vanilla Cupcake and Bubble Gum, all sweetened with stevia.  She gave me two of them, which I used for a couple of months, only to order five more online.  They make excellent Christmas gifts for eco-conscious ladies who want shiny, sexy and sweet-smelling lips, or nieces, daughters or goddaughters eager to enter the world of make-up, without going overboard.  

Happy Holidays!!

From The MILF Diet…

"MILFiness is all about balance.  By staying balanced, MILFs are healthier, sexier and have more fun.

Your body is constantly finding balance for you.  By pumping your heart, exhaling toxic gases and keeping your blood at a proper pH, you maintain a delicate balance called homeostasis.  This system can handle a remarkable number of twists and turns on the road of your existence, adapting to stress, challenges and the trillions of mindblowing shifts that happen every second on a cellular level. This internal balancing act is one of the great miracles of life. 

And balance isn’t just happening inside of you; you are a product of a vast network of organic systems all striking their natural balances; they include the soil, the oceans, vegetation, the atmosphere and space itself.  So naturally your inner world seeks to balance with the outer world; you relax into sunlight and shiver when it’s cold.  You experience teenage joy in the spring and mature melancholy in the fall.  You give love to your family and receive it back from them in kind.  That’s healthy. You are meant to harmonize with the bigger systems of nature.  You are meant to feel connected to all of life."

This is a very sexy recipe, donated by Sarah Loring, a Connecticut MILF and mother of three.  There is something about the sweetness of the yams and the zing of the garlic that makes this dish a winner. 

Approximately 3 lbs garnet yams (or other yam or sweet potatoes)

1 bulb garlic

sea salt

olive oil (optional)

black pepper(optional)

Scrub yams with a vegetable brush and remove any blemishes. Place in a medium sized pan and cover with water.  Add a pinch of sea salt and cover. Bring to a boil and reduce heat to medium low. Simmer for 30 minutes or until yams are tender to the middle. You can test them by piercing with a fork. When done, remove yams to a plate to cool.

Meanwhile, wrap the garlic in aluminum foil and roast in an oven (or toaster oven) at 400 degrees for 30 minutes.  Cool the garlic. Cut off the base of the bulb and squeeze  out the garlic flesh. Set aside.

The yams can be peeled or left with the skins on.

Place yam in a food processor and add a pinch of sea salt and 1/2 of the roasted garlic paste. Process until smooth. (Do not overprocess.) Taste and adjust seasonings. If you want to add a little olive oil and black pepper this is the time. Sometimes the yam flavor is so vibrant that you want to capture that, not hide it. It will be a little different every time.

Serves 4 – 6

VARIATION: Instead of using the food processor you can also mash the yams with potato masher or in a suribachi.  Follow the same process: adding just little seasoning, then tasting.

I got up to 12 chews before everything went down the hatch.

But I kept trying. And the next day it happened. By the end of my bowl of rice and roasted winter vegetables, I had made it to 36.

And something else happened, or should I say, didn't happen.

I didn't crave a dessert after my meal.
I didn't dread going to bed for fear I would lay there trying to decide whether or not to make a big pot of pasta, or go get the Ben and Jerry's… or the peanut butter.

You see, I’ve been a binge eater all my life.
I’ve bitten my finger shoving food into my mouth.
I used to finish my father's Big Macs, after eating my own.
I used to beg for sugar.
Beg.
I've gone out in lousy weather, in bad neighborhoods, at ungodly hours to go get something to eat.

So since dedicating myself to chewing my food thoroughly ‘til everything becomes a slightly sweet liquid, those late night tremors, that sheer hell of climbing the walls trying to feed that animal inside…

Well it just doesn’t happen.
And it hasn't happened for the last several weeks.
I just chew.
and I'm up to 60.

I. Feel. AMAZING.
Chew your food.
Grain is good, but if you can't do that just yet, hell, just chew your food. Start somewhere.

–Anna Romer, Los Angeles MILF

Remember: it is easy. You're basically just stuffing a dome of tofu with delicious stuffing and baking it. No biggie. It's just that the recipe sounds a little complicated… AH RECIPES! I SHAKE MY FIST AT YOU!!!

But this recipe is so easy, a child could do it.  And I'm not kidding.  Last year, Gail Goldman left the task of Tofu Turkey to her daughter Marley, and she did a FINE job.

Scooping tofu out of the dome: 

Making the stuffing: 

Removing the cheesecloth: 

Basting: 

and VOILA!: . 

Put it all together with some other delicious Holiday dishes and you have this!

And for that, I am very grateful.
xo Jessica

Tofu Turkey with Mushroom Gravy

Equipment:
Handheld blender or food processor
A medium-sized colander
Cheesecloth
A baking sheet
A pastry brush
Aluminum Foil
A skillet
A large measuring cup
Knife, wooden spoons, and the other usual stuff

Turkey:
5 lbs extra firm tofu
Shoyu
Toasted sesame oil
Onions (lots)
Mushrooms (lots)
Celery (a few stalks)
Seitan (if you like it)
Unyeasted, whole wheat sourdough bread, in cubes
Poultry seasoning (as much as you want)

Gravy:
Onions
Mushrooms (optional)
Water
Shoyu
Mirin (optional)
Brown rice vinegar (optional)
Kuzu

For the “Turkey”: THE NIGHT BEFORE: Whiz the 5 lbs. of tofu in a really big bowl with a handheld blender. If you don’t have one, it’s a great time to go get one. They are cheap ($30?) and soooooooo useful. I also refer to the handheld blender as “food dildo”. If you don’t have one, and aren’t going to get one, you can puree the tofu in a food processor, in batches, until it’s all smooth and creamy. There may be a few lumps, but nothing big. As you are blending, add about 2 tablespoons of shoyu to the tofu to give it a little extra taste. The more daring may add some herbs…

You now have a 5 lb blob of tofu. Congratulations! Take a colander (medium-sized or smallish are best–the bigger the colander, the flatter the “turkey” will be) and line it with a double layer of cheese cloth, with about six inches extra on each side. Place the colander on a big plate or baking sheet. Spoon your tofu blob into the cheesecloth-lined colander until it molds completely to the colander. A little tofu “milk” will start coming through the colander. That’s good. That’s why you’re doing this, to press all excess liquid out of the tofu, making it a sturdier turkey. Fold the extra cheese cloth over the top of the tofu and place a plate and a weight on top of that. Let sit overnight in the fridge.

The next day: Take the turkey out of the fridge. Pour off any extra tofu liquid that seeped out overnight from the baking sheet or whatever you had the colander sitting on. Remove the weight, the plate and pull back the extra cheese cloth to reveal the bottom of the “dome” that will be your turkey. Now here’s the tricky part: You must now dig into the upside-down dome, with your hand, creating a space in the middle that you will put the stuffing into. Try to dig so that you leave about 1/2 to 1 inch of tofu between you and the colander–in other words, so the dome maintains a decent thickness all round. If you find that you dig too far, you can repair it with tofu, but do your best to dig a nice ditch in the tofu, leaving the walls of the dome thick enough to protect the stuffing. Does that make sense?

Now you have a pile of tofu and an upside-down dome of tofu. Your parents must be very proud! Preheat your oven to
350 F and start working on the stuffing!

In a skillet, heat the oil, and saute the onions and a pinch of salt for about five minutes. Add the mushrooms and another pinch of salt. Add celery, seitan, poultry seasoning and bread. Sprinkle with shoyu to taste. You know what you like in a stuffing. Do whatever you want to achieve that. Make way more than you need because extra stuffing is one of life’s great benefits. When the stuffing makes you all happy and say “ooooo”, then place it in the dome of tofu, packing it down well. Take the rest of your dug-out tofu (leaving aside about 1/2 cup) and place it on top of the stuffing (and on top of the dome edges), making a bottom for the dome. Pack it down well.

Tricky part number two: Now, take a baking sheet and place it over the colander. Make sure it covers it completely. Hold them together tightly. In a graceful and quick maneuver, flip the whole colander upside-down, so that your dome now sits on the baking sheet. Remove the colander. Remove the cheesecloth, and voila! That’s your un-cooked “turkey”. If there are any cracks in the turkey, do your best to repair them with your leftover tofu. If they are really bad, just chalk it up to experience–you’ll do much better next year (or try again at Christmas!) and this will still taste great.

Make a mixture of 2 parts sesame oil to 1 part shoyu and, using a pastry brush, baste the turkey with it. Be generous with the basting. Cover the turkey with aluminum foil and bake for 1 hour. Uncover, baste again and cook for 15 more minutes, uncovered. Baste one more time and cook for 15 minutes more. Let sit for 1 hour before cutting, while you make your gravy!!

GRAVY:
Dice a bunch of onions and mushrooms. Saute onions first, with a pinch of salt, until translucent and yummy, then add mushrooms, another pinch of salt, and saute until softened and wilty.

Apparently, I just made up that word: Wilty. I know that because my computer has put a red line beneath it. Oh well.

Anyway, pour some water in a large measuring cup and add water to this saute, equalling the amount of gravy you want. You have the measuring cup so that you know how much liquid you’re using–you will need to know this for when you add the kuzu later. So make a mental note of it.

Then add shoyu, carefully, to taste (you might want to start with 1 teaspoon per cup of liquid, and add from there if desired). I haven’t given strict measurements here because a) I’m lazy and b) you are the arbiter of your gravy’s strength and saltiness. You can also add mirin (about 1/3 the amount of shoyu you put in) and a dash of brown rice vinegar, if you like. I find that the combo of the shoyu, mirin and just a touch of brown rice vinegar makes for a nice meaty flavor in the gravy.

Let it all come to a boil and then simmer for at least ten minutes.

Now, measure out the equivalent of 1 level tablespoon of kuzu per cup of gravy liquid. If it’s not perfect, don’t worry–if the gravy ends up being not thick enough, you can add more kuzu, and if it’s too thick, you can add more water and shoyu. I think gravy should be a pleasurable, sort of intuitive dish, so don’t get too hung up on it.

WHAT YOU DO NEED TO GET HUNG UP ON, though, is that kuzu needs to be diluted in cold water and be lump-free before being added to the gravy. If you add chunks of undiluted kuzu, they will become unbreakable lumps in the gravy. So when your kuzu is nice and diluted (you can break it up with your fingers in the cold water–I recommend that), add it slowly to the gravy as you stir it vigorously. The gravy will become glossy and thicken. Let it come to a boil, then reduce flame to a simmer. If the gravy is not thick enough for you, add more kuzu. If it’s too thick, add more liquid. Once you’ve gotten the thickness right, let it simmer for about ten minutes before serving on slices of tofu turkey.

Serves 8-12.

My good friend Aaron Steinbach is a private chef who works for the rich and famous in Hollywood these days but I met him as a young whippersnapper eating brown rice and kale.  I asked him to donate this recipe to the book because I couldn’t forget it after eating it seventeen years ago.  It’s hearty, delicious and perfect for a DILF served over noodles or rice.  It’s even quick!

1 tablespoon olive oil
1 onion, sliced in half moons
1 box crimini or button mushrooms, sliced
1 tsp sea salt
1 box Westsoy seitan, sliced into bite-sized slices
2 cups water
1 tablespoon mirin
2 teaspoons kuzu or arrowroot powder
2-4 tablespoons almond butter
1-2 tablespoon shoyu

Chopped parsley for garnish

In a skillet, heat oil over medium heat.  Add onions and sauté until soft.  Add mushrooms and continue to sauté.  Add salt and allow the mushrooms to soften even more, releasing some of their liquid.  Add seitan, water and mirin.  Bring to a boil.  Dilute kuzu completely in a little bit of cold water and whisk into mixture, continuing to stir to prevent lumps.  Stir in almond butter and shoyu, starting with the lower measurements and tasting as you go.  Let simmer for 3-4 minutes over low heat.  Serve over noodles or rice and garnish with parsley. 

Serves 2-3