With reference to your post on the 29th of November, please be advised that your hyperbole comes perilously close to libel. Were it not for the fact that I totally adore you, my lawyers (who eat steak tartar for breakfast) would take you to the cleaners. Instead, I have recommended that they take you to Bali where you can eat lots of vegetables and pray that someone doesn’t come along and pinch you — since this is all a dream.

Thanks for writing such a swell piece about me. Goofballs everywhere will surely agree that “easy friendships” are never one-sided, so try not to get too carried away with my pseudo-divinity. You see, my dear, it’s all smoke and mirrors. And I promise not to tell anyone — ever — that I taught you how to cook (but apparently forgot to teach you how to cleanup after yourself…..)

xxx