Resistance
May 22nd, 2007Okay, Okay, I’m blogging.
Ugh. I hate that word. Sounds like schlogging through something, or barfing, all wound up in a long “blahhhhhhh”.
Resistance. I face resistance every day in my macrobiotic practice. On my best days, I cook a full meal, from soup to dessert, complete with pickle and condiment, and on my not-so-good days I eat rice, beans and guacamole in an airport. Like today.
I am on my way to Toronto, which is where I was born. In the last 23 years, I have visited there many times, and with each visit, my resistance to returning (permanently) has waned. In the last five years, in fact, each time I leave, I haul with me a heavy heart and a new understanding of the word “homesick”. Like summer camp times ten.
Everything eventually becomes its opposite. Whereas I once ran, FAST, away from this city–and my family within it–I am now pulled with the exact same, beyond-my-control force to dive back in the soup of my past (holding my breath), by moving to the big T.O.
But this should be an interesting experiment, letting the past meet the present, braiding a future. For a number of years now, I have felt that the inner core of my being–the stuff that was formed as a child and adolescent–has been clamoring for attention. When I moved to Los Angeles for a winter recently, I instructed all my friends to “introduce me to Canadians–I wanna hang out with Canucks!”
I think some of it comes from being macro. My inner self is very much alive and kicking, having been fed vegetable-based foods for such a long time–my core, and all the rings of my personal tree–are awake and sensitive and looking for some mirroring. And maybe it’s just time I confront an adolescence that was painful and dark, shedding some light on it like feeding a doomed blossom fertilizer. I dunno yet.
So there. I blogged.
December 17th, 2007 at 2:42 am
OK, my apologies. I went back to start at your first blog and see that yes there’s a place for a reply - not sure why I didn’t see it at the latest blog entry.
I was happy to see you started on my birthday. But I’m Jewish and we also have a different calendar, so lately I celebrate my birthday on the Jewish calendar (moon based, rather than sun based) - so I still get a thrill when I see May 22, but the transformation is similar to what you’re talking about in identifying with home - my Jewishishness is taking more and more center, therefore the date also does.
well, I’ll try to read through more before jumping in to constantly give you my take on stuff
Klara